Questions & Answers

I join you in your desire to bring comfort and guidance to your sister and her family. While you did not explicitly ask a question, implicitly you seem to be seeking affirmation for what you did say to your sister and perhaps also seek additional guidance.

Your being there for your sister and your desire to bring comfort or to express sympathy are already traits that she will appreciate. Even though she has a chip on her shoulder against God, she will recognize your love and concern for her. Continue to be there for her. Even if she is not willing to say it out loud, she will recognize your kindness.

Beware of offering false comfort. The fact that you really don't know where your nephew is spending eternity dare not be downplayed or forgotten. You have little to say as comfort in that matter. This is tragic but true. To point to his baptism decades ago (I am assuming your nephew died as an adult) but to admit that the God-given faith promised and given at that time was not nourished and maintained through the gospel in Word and sacrament after that is precious little to go on. And while God can indeed work faith aside from a person's use of the means of grace and even while in a coma, we have absolutely no promise from him that he will do that, and without a divine promise our speculative comfort will be lacking and inappropriate.

Resolve to share what you DO know, especially how God loves your sister and continues to invite her to admit unchanging truths and to trust unchanging promises. The truths she is invited and urged to consider and confess include these:

• She is a frail creature under God and any denial of that truth is foolishness. God has every right to deal with us as he sees fit. To be angry at him for his governance of the world and our lives and those of our loved ones does no one any good, least of all ourselves.
• She is a sinful as well as frail creature. As harsh as that sounds, it remains true and helps explain why things go so terribly wrong in our lives as God calls us to recognize what sin is and how serious it is. And her conscience is telling her this very thing, even while she may be denying it with her words. Trust that God will be reinforcing your testimony in her heart and will.
• She is dearly loved by God despite her sinfulness, and God has provided a Savior, a rescuer from the guilt and condemnation of sin: Jesus Christ. (Here is the place to go into detail stating and repeating who Christ is and all that he has done on our behalf.) Trust that God will use your witnessing to her even if she says she is not interested or antagonistic.
• God can give to her the ability to rejoice in his love and works on her behalf—and God can give her the ability to cope with the tragic loss of her son as well. We cannot bring her son back, but we can allow God to put the sad event into a suitable perspective and use it to give us blessing later on. That's one of his specialties. 

As you share these and related truths to your sister, do so as "one beggar telling another beggar where to find the food," as the old saying puts it. Do not speak down to her, and make it clear that you are sharing truths that fully apply to you as they apply to her. Blend gentleness with firmness and be prepared to show patience. Trust that God will use your testimony for his good purposes, even if he chooses to bring evidence of that much later and through the use of other, additional witnesses in her life.